Bother

So, I’m not saying I don’t have introverted tendencies. I probably do. While I like being in large, lively, groups I tend to be more quiet around people I don’t know. When I get to know people better, though, then I’ll talk non-stop. I’m not particularly good at small talk, though. There’s not much about the weather that hasn’t been thoroughly hashed through already.

I’m also careful about what I say. I have a peculiar sense of humor and I know that puts people off, sometimes. For some reason, people take me far too seriously when I’m saying something that (to me) is obiously ridiculous. It feels easier to keep my mouth shut than to explain what I’m talking about.

That makes it a little difficult for me to just walk up to somebody in a bar and start talking to them. The rare times when I have done something like that, it usually ended quickly.

The other day I was in the grocery store with my mother. I do things like that because I am a Good Son. Well, not really. But I try to be. Anyway, while walking around the aisles bored I saw what looked like an old woman in a frumpy dress. She had her back to me and was looking at product on the shelf. I let my gaze drop down to the bottom shelf because I really had nothing better to do but look to see what gets consigned to the spot nearest the floor. I noticed that the old lady had nice legs. Furthermore, her feet looked suprisingly young.

Later, we ended up crossing paths again and she wasn’t old at all. I don’t know why she was dressed frumpily and I’m aware enough to know that asking would not be a good pick up line. Neither would, “Say, I notice you have nice legs and pretty feet.”

Maybe it would. I assume it wouldn’t. I would think a old guy paying attention to a woman’s feet in a grocery store would be a kind of creepy thing.

The other reason why I don’t go up to random people in bars is because I don’t go to bars. But also because I always feel like I’ll be bothering someone. I don’t want to bother people. I don’t call people because I feel like whenever I call it will be the wrong time to call. And who calls people these days? And I don’t have anyone to call. But if I did, I wouldn’t call them because I feel like I’d be interrupting something.

I mean, I know what I’m doing throughout the day, which is nothing, but I don’t know how busy other people are. Weird huh? Have I mentioned I have a therapist? That’s actually fodder for a whole other post.

Money

Due to the way my life was going a few years ago, I find that I have peculiar habits today. Back then I was always short of money (for a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with how I manage money but I won’t get into those reasons right now). After my life got worse, it got better.

I still remember the first time I went to the grocery store without checking to see if I had money in my bank account. It was a such a monumental feeling that I nearly cried walking to the car. It may not sound all that exciting but before then I had to check, make sure of how much was in there, what was due to come out, and then spend frugally, keeping track of my total down to the penny.

One might think that I went on a wild spending spree at that point, buying up stuff that I wanted and putting myself back into a hole. But, no, that’s not what happened. Instead, I ended up keeping most of the same habits.

You see, I can spend a lot of money if it’s on something I need. New tires for the car? No problem. Groceries? Also not a problem. Usually. Sometimes I’ll think I’m being a little too ‘gourmet’ and start putting things back that I don’t really need.

That’s where it all falls down, see. I have to need it. If it’s something I don’t need, but want then it’s a whole thing. For instance, four years ago I decided to get an iMac. I didn’t need one, I just wanted one. I had the money. I could have bought several. I started looking at the Apple website and figuring out which one I wanted and how much I was willing to spend. Then I waited because Apple might have introduced new ones or done some upgrades. Then I waited to see if some place would have a sale. Then I waited because it was nearly time for Apple to announce news models. Then I looked at the website again to look at prices.

I still don’t have an iMac. I still want one, but now I want the iMac Pro because it’s the most powerful one they have. There’s no way I’m spending $5,000 on a computer, though. So now I’m waiting to see what the new Mac Pro is about. Which I won’t get, either, because it will also be expensive, just like the last one was.

And that’s just how it is. I want an iPad, but I won’t get one. My mom wants an iPad and she’ll be getting one for her birthday. That I can do.

That’s why it’s a shame that there’s not a woman who wants to date me. I’d be all about going on trips and dinners and doing things and whatever. I won’t do them for me (if it’s just me), but it would make me happy to do things for someone else if it would make them happy.

On another note: I disappointed myself today. I was going to go on a drive, take pictures, pick up some bagels and, generally, do stuff. I even got up early to do it. Then I decided I didn’t feel like it. Then I went out grocery shopping at 10am and saw that it was 93F already. So… probably a good thing I didn’t go. It would have been a six hour trip, all told.