I’ve got this weird problem. I feel guilty for things that other people (as far as I understand it) don’t.
For example, I finally had an opportunity to spend my weekend without having to do anything. No errands to run, no place I had to be, just nothing to do. Sure, there’s always something I could be doing around the homestead, but there was nothing pressing.
So I played a computer game. For two days. And I feel bad about it. I couldn’t tell you why, though. I feel like I should have been doing something productive, not playing a game. So I feel guilty. I know other people who wouldn’t feel guilty. They’d be elated. They would label themselves, “gamers.”
If I take a sick day I feel guilty for doing anything other than laying in bed. Resting. I don’t answer to anyone but myself. You’d think I’d be worried about my dad showing up and berating me for watching TV while I’m sick. That’s all me, though. Weird.
It’s like I’m not used to doing anything for myself. That is completelyl true, by the way. I’m not. It’s been nearly a decade since I was required to be helpful and do things for people, but here I am feeling useless if I’m not doing something for somebody.
Sad, isn’t it?